When inspiration comes from unexpected places.
Recently I was at a friend’s house watching the Eagles game (GO Birds!). In the midst of multiple conversations at once, punctuated by yelling at the tv, words floated by that stopped me, much like a needle scratching on a record. As my brain caught up with my ears, I slowly turned my head to my friend and said, “what did you just say?”
“I listen to Snoop Dogg’s affirmation song every morning. It puts me in a good mood.”
As my brain caught up again, my friend started playing the song on YouTube and singing it. It was adorable! I looked it up and learned Snoop Dogg has a 3D animated series created with a few others called Doggyland. It’s intended to be a fun, educational show that promotes social emotional development for preschoolers and has other content for older children. I really wasn’t all that surprised. Snoop is one of a kind and a creative genius with multiple business ventures that align with who he is. That’s authenticity.
I am a proponent of the kind of self care that works. In a time of broken systems, burnout and uncertainty, taking a bubble bath isn’t necessarily a panacea, though it can help! Having said that, whatever helps one get through the day, find peace and enjoyment and develop a practice that’s sustainable has me cheering. After my initial amusement of listening to my friend sing Snoop’s song, I was thrilled there was a practice that gives her 2 minutes of daily entertainment and hopefully helps support her when life is…life.
That brings me to what I originally was writing about when I started this post, before Snoop interrupted. Often, I have conversations with clients about what brings them joy or at the very least, what keeps them grounded in times of chaos and how self care activities can look like different things. That’s another blog post, but for now, I’m talking about grocery shopping. A fan of cooking and preferring to pick out my own produce, I go with a list and an idea of what I’m making that week, but I also love to wander the store in peace on a random weekday afternoon, not talking to anyone.
If you know me, you may know I hate shopping. Malls, outlets, target (gasp!) Costco (yes, I said it). Can't stand it. I am in and out and focused when running errands. The exception is small little shops or farmer’s markets. Grocery shopping on the weekends, however, is in the same category as going to the mall. Avoided at all costs.
Last fall, I realized I hadn’t been in the grocery store in months. My oldest child had been doing all the shopping since returning home from his first year in an apartment in college and found he enjoyed the process as well. He would often go at 730am because, like me, he hated crowds in the stores. He also worked in a grocery store along with my middle child which was an added bonus of convenience. As a result, I barely entered a store all summer.
After a particularly challenging work day, I realized I missed grocery shopping. That may be an odd statement but hear me out. I headed to my favorite place about 4pm and as it turns out, Wegmans on a Thursday afternoon is a dream. It was fairly empty. I browsed every aisle and picked up lots of cheese. I spent most of my time in the produce aisle and just enjoyed the peace. Recipes popped into my head. Things I could make with zucchini and squash and asparagus. Early September meant there soon wouldn’t be an opportunity for fresh corn salad with fresh basil, red peppers, cucumbers and lime. Picturing a bouquet garni for soup, I stared at the rows of fresh herbs. I spent roughly an entire hour just being in the grocery store. To some, that probably sounds like a nightmare. I was thrilled.
Whether it was the peace of the store, thinking about cooking which makes me happy or the grounding effect of movement and focusing on something else, I felt my nervous system return to baseline.
Cooking for me is relaxing. The kitchen speaker is turned on, out come the cutting boards and knives and bowls for mise en place. One of my favorite recipes is a Thai red curry soup. The soup takes minutes to make but has 18 ingredients that need to be prepped and ready to go. That part of the process is enjoyable and one of the ways I share love. Trust me I am NOT making an 18 ingredient meal every day. When the inspiration strikes, I do. I’m skilled at meals with 5 ingredients or less! I’ve also come to value this time and ability. When I was a struggling single mom and every penny counted, dinner was often very simple and the luxury of certain ingredients wasn’t possible.
For me, the things that are my inspiration for this kind of self care come in the form of endless Pinterest recipes, eating something in a restaurant and attempting a recreation at home or flipping through cookbooks while drinking my morning coffee. For my friend, it’s Snoop.
As a mom, I love watching all 3 of my kids as they’ve learned to cook. One loves to grill. One sends me recipes constantly and makes many of them. One bakes. All have worked in food service and can make pretty good sandwiches!
While entering the store that fall day, I was texting with a therapist friend. Her fun time that day was at Trader Joe's. I told her that was on the list for the next day. Dinner that night…fresh burrata and focaccia bread with pesto.
What brings you inspiration, joy or a sense of peace? Can it be part of your usual self care routine? 5 minutes a day or a few hours a week? Hopefully you have something that grounds you regularly and provides some meaning. If finding that is a struggle, I encourage you to think about starting with a few minutes a day. Trust the inspiration that might pop up when you least expect it. And trust yourself.
Love,
Aunt Nicole
(Refer to the first blog post for the origins of Aunt Nicole :)Hi! It’s Aunt Nicole!
In the summer of 2021, I decided it was time to open a private practice. After 20 years in health care, I wanted to expand my scope and spend more time with clients, supporting them in a different way than a medical setting would allow. I joined a local networking group and learned about an open house for therapists to share office space. I walked in, loved it, met Anna who was hosting the event and signed up that day. I wrote my therapist profile that night. Little did I know I was the first to sign up with the space.
Over time, I was able to grow my practice while working full time. Eventually, I resigned from my job and started seeing clients in person in that beautiful space that had grown from an idea to several therapists and now has 6 locations.
I’m a cheerleader (not that kind – no coordination). I want to see people succeed and celebrate their success. My colleague Julia, an anthropologist and therapist, called me a gatherer once. The “there’s always room for 1 more at the table” person. I like to see work and growth and meaning especially when people try to do something and after some challenges, find success. In that vein, I like to think a supportive word or comment is helpful. Apparently that’s how I earned my nickname.
I became known in the office as Aunt Nicole. Described as the aunt who will buy your homemade jewelry, support whatever you want to do and lend a positive comment. The first time the name was shared with me I laughed so hard because I heard how genuine it was. Surrounding myself with hilarious people is a life goal. We need to laugh, use humor and generally roll our eyes at nonsense. I think Anna knew she could call me Aunt Nicole, and I would take it as a compliment. Not because I’m the old, cranky (debatable) Aunt who drinks and smokes or will break you out of jail when you’re afraid to call your parents. I’m more – drink responsibly, don’t smoke because…gross and yes, call me if you only have 1 call from jail and you need me to help soften the blow to your parents. In real life, I have 3 wonderful nieces with amazing parents.
Who else is Aunt Nicole? She’s sassy, loves hard, is fiercely loyal, values kindness, uses (mostly) well timed swear words (unapologetically), gives free hugs, laughs at herself, will feed you but also lovingly yell at you to get your shit together and pull yourself up. A Gen-Xer with boundaries and a “whatever” attitude. Anna and I decided maybe Aunt Nicole is an alter ego to Maxine from the Hallmark cards - minus the gray hair and caustic attitude.
I have a long list titled “things I can’t wait to do” that’s added to regularly. Starting a blog was decidedly NOT on that list. However, over the last year, ideas and topics started to buzz around in my head. One day last year, I posted on social media about having a hard day and my cure was taking back grocery shopping from my son who had been doing it since he returned home from college. I joked maybe I’d start a blog.
A dedicated yogi, I often lay on my yoga mat in a darkened room during shavasana, getting my zen on. My mind will wander, and I let it wander and then return to the quiet. Topics and sentences pop in. If I remember anything once I leave the studio, I write it down. If not, I trust it will eventually return. The blog topic list is long and growing as life continues to be life. I will run with it as long as it feels instinctual and right.
I’m not for everyone. My style and humor won’t always resonate with some and that’s ok. So why write a blog? To share observations, thoughts on how we relate, a raw conversation that hits therapeutic topics while being down to earth and highlighting things that are important to me, what a Gen X view of the world is while raising Gen Z as a single mom of 3. As a therapist, I hold space for clients when they are in pain, grieving or sharing their most vulnerable parts. I heard someone say once those who have been wounded hold the fiercest hope for others. I also saved a quote that said, “share your story, it may be someone’s survival guide.” Protecting confidentiality is core to what I do so any stories I share will be a version of my own mixed in with real life interactions and masked to not identify anyone or any situation. After all, many experiences are relatable and reading about something may be the validation someone needs that day. It should also be said that Therapist Nicole and Aunt Nicole are very similar but with striking differences based on a code of ethics. I bring myself and my humor to sessions but also my therapeutic hat including social work values, integrity for the profession and boundaries.
I am not an expert on anything, but I am passionate about helping people and have lived professional and personal experience. I plan on highlighting books, podcasts, TEDtalks, people I follow who write beautiful content, colleagues and kick-ass therapists. A space where I won’t take myself seriously, but may share a nugget, resource or definition that may help someone. Or perhaps, a laugh. If you need a therapist, I’m also happy to make connections. I can’t, and won’t, see someone I know. As referenced above, it’s a code of ethics/dual relationship kinda thing.
Early beta testers of this blog post include my 3 children (my greatest supporters and also very honest critics), a few brutally honest people close to me (I asked!) and some willing and supportive colleagues. My main question was…does this sound like me?
In the meantime, I’m 4 years in my shared office space. A few months ago, I found the first invoice from the office in my desk drawer. The date was 9/14/2021. The invoice number was 0000001. Proves I am The OG. Thanks Anna and Jim!
Love, Aunt Nicole